Warsaw, Poland – Forget the IPA’s. The world of beer has a new “vaginal” craze.
Last summer, a Warsaw-based brewery called “The Order of Yoni” launched the world’s first ‘vaginal’ beer. After premiering on July 28 in the Biala Malpa pub in the Polish city of Katowice, the unusual beverage, billed as the first experiment of the kind in the world, has since then been made available in several other spots around Poland. And it’s now considering global expansion.
The recipe of the Polish-made ‘vaginal’ beer
You’re probably wondering what in the world is a vaginal beer. Well, you’re not the only one. After The Order of Yoni launched its highly sexually-charged and bold marketing campaign, the company faced an outpouring of questions and inquiries from concerned customers, spanning from pure curiosity to simple outrage over the nature of the product it’s selling.
Woytek Mann, the founder, tried to shed some light on the production process of the beers, made from the “vaginal lactic acid of hot underwear models”: according to him, a gynecologist took smears from two models – namely Paulina and Monika, who gave their name to the beer’s two versions – and had the lactic acid bacteria isolated in a laboratory in the city of Poznan.
“Using high-tech microbiological techniques, we isolate, examine and prepare lactic acid bacteria from the vagina of a unique woman”, the company further explains on its website.
Despite attempting to diffuse criticism, address concerns about hygiene and reassure customers that all the appropriate tests had been done – including checking the women for any sexually transmitted disease – the company has remained slightly cryptic about the details of production, and many customers are still skeptical.
Some of the first people who tasted it when it launched in Katowice also complained about the price of the beer, 25 zloty, arguing it “costs the same as a bottle of wine” and claiming that, although “people will try it out of curiosity, I don’t think it will be a regular addition on the table for beer lovers”.
“Imagine the girl of your dreams”… bottled up in a beer
A quick look at how the company promotes its beers gives a pretty comprehensive idea of its angle (and target): “Imagine the woman of your dreams, your object of desire. Her charm, her sensuality, her passion. Now, you can try how she tastes, feel her smell, hear her voice. Now imagine her giving you a passionate massage and gently whispering anything you’d like to hear.”
“Now free your fantasies and imagine all of that can be encompassed in a bottle of beer. A golden drink brewed with the lure and grace and flavored with wild instincts. Imagine a beer which every sip offers a rendez-vous with this hot woman of your dreams… she hugs you and kisses you gently, looking straight into your eyes… How much would you give for such a beer?”
Giving such high expectations to potential customers is doomed to backfire one day…
Currently, the Order of Yoni started selling the first two versions of the beverage: Bottled Lust (aka Paulina) and Bottled Passion (aka Monika), both containing 8% of alcohol and billed as containing the quintessence of femininity.
When asked how the two models were picked, the founder explained that “Paulina and Monika are two beautiful, self-confident women” who “complement each other: one of them is cute and sensitive, while the other is bold and obstinate”. How these features translate in the taste of the final product, however, remains a mystery…
The Order of Yoni sets eye on international development
Woytek Mann explained that “the idea emerged six-seven years ago, when I was sitting with a glass of Belgian beer in my hand. I wondered why it had such a sour-ish taste, and after a few clicks on Wikipedia, I learned that lactic acid bacteria is respondible for this. And after a few more clicks, I found out that these same bacteria exist in women’s vaginas. Eureka!”
While his first attempt to raise money for his endeavor failed two years ago, things eventually brightened up recently: “We managed to find an investor who believed in this project and supported us financially”, he explained, now highlighting his wish to bring the world’s first vaginal beer to customers all across Europe, and beyond.
“In a year, we will definitely be everywhere, offering customers a unique product”, he said, adding that “deliveries are expected to some European countries, for example to Spain, Italy and the Czech Republic; we are negotiating with distributors from the U.S., Brazil and Mexico”, as well as scouting for a possible expansion in Russia.
Since last week, The Order of Yoni’s vaginal beers started being distributed in France and Belgium through a local partner, Sting18. A tasting is also due to be organized in the French northern city of Lille on December 14.
Should we also expect new versions of the beer to be unveiled soon? Most definitely, assured M. Mann, who’s planning “a variety of BDSM-series beer and a few more exotic ones with models from around the world. We cannot reveal more at this stage. We will have a portfolio in the future, although you will not find the male version in it”.
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